5 EASY STEPS TO ACCEPTING & LOVING THE WAY YOU LOOK

Have you ever seen a social media post of an attractive person in revealing clothes and a provocative pose and thought, “I wish I looked like that” and then felt badly about your own body’s appearance? I know I have. 

Studies show that many women and more and more men (although it’s not as common among men) suffer from feeling badly about their own body image after looking at social media images of celebrities or beauty influencers.

Mindfulness can be a helpful tool in coping with the onslaught of “perfect body” imagery that we’re exposed to daily. Whatever emotional reaction that you have, it is real. 

The way mindfulness can help is that with practice, you can notice that you are having a reaction to a particular image and you can pause and reflect. 

How does noticing what triggers negative feelings about yourself help? 

For example, instead of continuing your day feeling unhappy with your appearance, you can notice, “Wow, that image affected me.” Then, using a process similar to the one outlined in my Come to Center Journal, you can ask yourself, “where in my body am I noticing these feelings?” Is it in the heart, the gut or somewhere else? 

Try naming the emotions. For example, “hmm, I’m feeling insecure, unnoticed, flawed, inadequate, frustrated, sad, judged (by myself), or uncomfortable in my own skin.” Those adjectives are simply prompts to help you identify and name what it is you may find yourself feeling.

These emotions can be stimulated when you compare yourself with others. By going through this process, you can notice that you’re comparing yourself with an image that you will never likely achieve. By definition, you’re setting yourself up for failure. 

How are you setting yourself up to fail? Because, like my mother explained in her story about the beauty of the flower garden and the value of diversity, “You can never be the best “someone else”. You, and only you, however, can be the very best you! 

So, how to get back on track to loving yourself?

1. Acknowledge and give thanks for your strengths!

Pause and reflect on all the things about yourself for which you’re thankful and that you love! You may even want to jot down at least 3 points, beginning with the phrase, “I am grateful that I am…” or “I appreciate that I have…” or “I love my…"

2. Forgive yourself for your flaws. 

You are human; you are perfectly imperfect. Like all things in nature—a tree, a flower, a bird—your are a unique expression of a human being! Offer yourself some self-compassion and kindness.

3. Find positive inspiration and use it to energize your goals. 

For example, instead of getting down on yourself for what you haven’t done, inspire yourself with excitement over what someone else has accomplished (assuming that what you’re admiring is actually achievable versus a filtered and edited image that resembles no one in reality—not even the model). 

Use that inspiration to energize you when taking steps to achieve your own goals.

“If s/he/they can do it, so can I!” can be your attitude. Get excited to learn what it takes to accomplish what it is that you want. And, if you’re not willing, for example, to train 2 hours a day, 5 days a week, acknowledge that reality. Get real and excited about what you’re willing and able to do and the results you can achieve.

4. “Shake it off!”

Notice if you’re playing negative “tapes” from the past and let it go. When you pause to name what you’re feeling and identify your negative self-talk, notice if it reminds you of any messages from others in your  life, the media or society that you may have internalized. 

For example, did any family member say to you, “You know you would look great if you would just lose a few pounds.” Realize that the comment is about the speaker— judgments, values, perceptions—not about you! 

Identify those inner voices and messages that you may be playing internally that don’t belong to you; then, as Taylor Swift says, “Shake it off!” If it helps, you can even literally push it away and say, “Go away! I’m letting you go now.”

Studies show that if we combine our thoughts and emotions with physical gestures, it has even more power. An exercise I practice is taking a full deep breath as I send both arms up overhead and exhaling as I bring them down and then inhaling with big breast stroke arms in front and exhaling as you stroke back, while actively thinking about clearing energy around me. There’s even a yogic practice for clearing the energy field around you (will make a video of this and post later).

5. Visualize and feel the embrace of unconditional love. 

Pause, bring to mind any being who loves and accepts you exactly as you are, right here, right now. If you can’t think of a person in your life, envision a pet, a plant, a spot in nature or even a spiritual being, like Jesus Christ or the Buddha. Feel the complete love and acceptance of you exactly as you are; blanket yourself in that love. You are beautiful! Feel it.

Use these tips to bring yourself back to  you—calm, centered and grounded—and your embrace of your authentic self. This doesn’t mean it’s not going to happen again. Life is all about the process. Both health and life is a journey. But, the more you practice these tools, handed down by generations that transmitted the Buddha’s wisdom teachings to help alleviate suffering, the more it will be second nature to you.

Here’s a video that can help you practice self-compassion, forgive yourself for your flaws and offer yourself unconditional love and acceptance. 

If you don’t have time for a 15-minute meditation, here’s a playlist with self-compassion guided meditations from as short as 2-minutes up to 15.